LUVTruck.com

PERSONAL HYGIENE

- Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be hand-me-down item.

- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

- Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.

- Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. It's a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.



DINING OUT

- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

- Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.



ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

- Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.

- If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.



DATING
(Outside the Family)

- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

- No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.

- Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago."

- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the boy's responsibility to get her to school on time.

- If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.

- Even if you can't get a date, avoid kidnapping. It's bad for your reputation.

- Always allow your date first pick of any roadkill you run across.



THEATER ETIQUETTE

- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.



WEDDINGS

- Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

- Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.

- When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is.

- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.

- A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.

- For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.



DRIVING ETIQUETTE

- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

- Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

- When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

- Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

- Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.



TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

- Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

- Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.

- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

- The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.

- If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

- Always provide an alibi to the police for other Luv owners.

Just an observation....you dont get out much, do you?

Naw...the wife keeps me on a pretty short leash...lol

Just once (maybe twice if I've been a real good boy) a week I go out to throw darts, play a few games of pool, and toss back a few glasses of suds with my buddies at the local watering hole for a few hours.

The rest of the time I'm always busy as hell, or hanging out with my wifey and my little buddy ralph:

Ralph looks like he dodn't like his picture taken

_________________
1978 pro street step/side 455Buick, 4sp,4.11s, 31/18.5s

Your friend Ralph has some odd looking thumbs...

_________________
If you think no one cares, try missing a couple of payments...



FIAA!

SFPP!

Ralph reminds me of my LUV, kinda small.

He's half beagle and half chihuahua...but he thinks he's a doberman....lol

He doesn't do much but lay around the house, bark like hell if anyone comes around, and always hops up in my lap and begs to be petted constantly every time I sit down in my easy chair to rest my weary bones for 2 seconds.

The wife spoils him rotten, she has taught him to throw back his head and howl like a wolf on cue, and she takes him in regularily every 3 weeks to get his claws clipped, which requires him to wear a muzzle, the honery little brat.

But all things considered, he's a good ole' dog. Because when he's up in my shop or out in the garage with me, he stays out of my way, doesn't pester me, and doesn't get into any mischief.

Which is more than I can say for my wife...lol

Too bad I didn't get to meet Ralph. I'll have to make it a point the next time I see you.

_________________
'78 1.8L 4-speed Fleetside

The only thing more beautiful than a sunset is a sunrise.

bwaaahahahahaha....funny fellow - thanks for the advice.