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Things people learn when they come to Texas.
Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the
air.
Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"
There are 5,000 types of SNAKES and 4,998 live in Texas.
There are 10,000 types of SPIDERS. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a
couple no one's seen before.
Possums will eat anything.
Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when
they're ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around
their house.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Texas has 5 seasons:
Spring, Feb. 16 to April 15
Summer, April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
SUPER Summer, July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
Summer, Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
Fall, Oct 2 to Dec 1
Winter, Dec 2 to Feb 15
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
Coldbeer is one word.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Texans really don't have an accent.
When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will
survive.
Green grass DOES burn.
The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the
first couple of weeks.
When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go
to the doctor.
Fixinto is one word.
A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for cattle or
irrigation.
Dinner is served at noon and then there's supper in the evening.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals year-round and you start
drinking it when you're 2.
Backards and forards means I know everything about you.
'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You (we) know you're from Texas if:
1. You measure distance in minutes or hours. We used to measure
everything in coldbeers, but the new open container laws forced us
to change that.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no
one in it, no matter what time of the year.
5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixin to go to the store.
6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and then
leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.
9. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
sauce.
10. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
11. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
12. The local papers covers national and international news on one
page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
13. You think that the first day of deer season is a national
holiday.
14. You find 100 degrees F "a little warm."
15. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer,
and Christmas.
16. You know whether another Texan is from east, west, north or
south Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
17. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000
or more.
18. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin
wal-martin" or "off to Wally World."
19. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "good
chili weather".
20. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a
Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
_________________  FIAA: Color Guard
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