LUVTruck.com

What the profiles say is in all caps. What it really means is in lower-case.

I ENJOY LIVING LIFE WITHOUT BOUNDARIES.
Except what the judge said about not going within 500 feet of a school or playground.


I DON’T BELIEVE IN RUSHING INTO A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP.
We won’t be having sex until the second hour of our first date.


I’M A GREAT CONVERSATIONALIST.
I can talk about myself for hours.

I’M GOOD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH.
I check in with my parole officer once a week.


I’VE LEARNED A LOT FROM PAST RELATIONSHIPS.
Especially the importance of not violating a restraining order.


I’M COMPUTER-SAVVY.
I spend all my time on the Internet because I can’t function in the real world.

FORMER PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE.
I had a tryout with a minor league baseball team 30 years ago but they laughed me off the field.

FULL-FIGURED.
I’m fat.

I’M STILL TRYING TO FIND MYSELF.
With help from all of the voices in my head.

I’M IN GREAT SHAPE.
Round is a shape, isn’t it?

I’M VERY CLOSE TO MY FAMILY.
I still live with my parents.

I ENJOY BEING AROUND YOUNG PEOPLE.
Pedophile.

I WANT TO BE ON YOUR TOP 10 LIST
I think I’m still on the FBI’s.

I’M NOT THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
I’m broke most of the time.

I’VE NEVER BEEN IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.
They haven’t found any of the bodies yet.

A FEW EXTRA POUNDS.
I’m very fat.

I’M NOT REALLY INTO LOOKS.
Don’t bother responding if you don’t look like a lingerie model.

I LIKE YOUNGER WOMEN, BUT NOT TOO MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME.
Don’t bother responding if you’re over 25.

I DON’T ENJOY BEING IN THE SPOTLIGHT.
I hope you didn’t see me on Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator.”

I ENJOY THE OUTDOORS.
I’ve been homeless since 1977.

I ENJOY LONG WALKS.
Especially after the bank repossessed my car.

PLEASINGLY PLUMP.
I’m very, very fat.


I’M IN BETWEEN JOBS.
Chronically unemployed.


I’M FINANCIALLY STABLE.
As long as my parents give me my allowance on time.

RUBENESQUE.
I’m fat, and I just bought a thesaurus.

_________________


FIAA: Color Guard

LMAO!!

A good friend of mine in his late 40's that co-owns an italian restaurant with a pretty classy bar (with his ex-wife...poor guy) recently got divorced and he's been hitting the internet dating scene at match.com and e-harmony to look for a nice lady to get involved with.

The freakin' horrible dating stories he tells me each time I stop by to grab a beer and BS makes me laugh so damn hard that I won't even let him talk to me at all anymore unlesss I've went to the john first(for obvious reasons...duh) and I'm sitting down...lol