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What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -W.C. Fields

Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. -Rennie Ellis

It is disgusting to note the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects and the amount of money that goes out of the country in consequence. If possible, this must be prevented. My people must drink beer. -Frederick the Great

If you see a beer, drink it. -Michael Jackson, British beer guru

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. -Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -Winston Churchill

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy. -Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan

He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato

They who drink beer will think beer. -Washington Irving

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -W.C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. -Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? -Stephen Wright

Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. -Frederick the Great

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord has intended a more divine form of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty be learning about beer. -Friar Tuck

I'm off for a quiet pint – followed by fifteen noisy ones. Gareth Chilcott

Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder. W.C. Fields

Work is the curse of the drinking class. Oscar Wilde

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemmingway

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. Jack Handy

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. David Daye

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Henny Youngman

Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love and to celebrate the good days. Ancient Egyptian saying

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver". Jack Handy

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. Humphrey Bogart

Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. David Rains Wallace

I work until beer o’clock. Steven King

Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums... give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it needs beer. Henry Miller

In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer. -A.J.P. Taylor

"Did you ever taste beer?" "I had a sip of it once," said the small servant. "Here's a state of things!" cried Mr. Swiveller.... "She never tasted it – it can't be tasted in a sip!" -Charles Dickens

Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer. -Don Marquis

What care I how life advances? I am drinking ale today. -Edgar Allan Poe

A quart of ale is a dish for a king. -William Shakespeare

Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them. -Queen Victoria

In vino veritas, in cervesio felicitas (In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is joy).

Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation. -Meyer Breslau

I drink therefore I am. -W.C. Fields

Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider so that I may wet my mind and say something clever. -Aristophanes

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. -Henry Lawson

A mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. -Ancient Egyptian saying, 2200 BC

Fermentation and civilisation are inseparable. -John Ciardi

With beer the spirit is kept in balance with the liver and blood. -Egyptian medical book, 1600 BC

If only air was as clean as beer, we could be happy. -Richard von Weiszecker, German ex-president