| HOW TO INSTALL A TEXAS HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's
 used size 14-16 work boots.
 
 2. Place them on your front porch, along with
 several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and
 several NRA magazines.
 
 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
 magazines.
 
 4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
 
 Hey Bubba,
 
 Big Dave, Duke and Slim and I went to the gun shop
 for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with
 the pit bulls... they attacked the mailman this morning
 and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it,
 but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
 
 P. S. I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better
 wait outside.
 _________________  FIAA: Color Guard
 
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