79-LUV'r and Merlyn wrote:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
job history, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_Merlyn Graves
DATE OF BIRTH 1972
HEIGHT: SHORT
WEIGHT: FAT
IQ: 145
GPA: $45,000 a year worth
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES: Scout hell- I was an 11B at Benning
HOME ADDRESS: Yeah, RIGHT! CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? X Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? Yes, you homophobic shitbird
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married: None of your damn business
If less than your age, explain
___________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes _X_No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes _X_No
C. A waterbed? __Yes _X_No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes _X_No
E. A tattoo? _X_Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes _X_No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? Not any more (Thanks, Uncle Sam)
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.) Silly Dad- intimidation is for children!
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
Having to wake your date up when you drop her off!
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?
Nothing, unless SHE says it.
______________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?
No grandkids for you to spoil rotten
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend: N/A
How often you attend: Every day.
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? As soon as he finished burying the last nosy jackass that pestered him about his son.
mother? Soon as she finishes helping Dad (see above)
pastor? That would be me- what do you want to ask?
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
I use to teach tactical sub-machinegun classes for Frontsight- don't try it.
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
Did you notice the 11B at Ft. Benning bit above? Don't try that either. I'm younger, faster and stronger than you are. Probably meaner too.
C: A woman's place is:
Wherever the hell she wants it to be, with her man backing her up 100% IF NECESSARY.
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
N/A- but be DAMN sure you want to hear the answer before you ask the question.
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
OLD
______________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
Her gender, obviously- or I would not notice she is a girl, now would I?
_____________________________
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
Who cares? I have my own house!
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Native American ANTI torture, eh? Interesting.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
Thank you for your interest, allow four to six years for processing.
Okay- that's done... who's got a single daughter of legal age?
Merlyn
--Ducking and reloading
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