|
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Noris can piss his name into concrete.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Anyone can piss on the floor, Chuck Norris can shit on the ceiling.
Chuck Norris's penis is so big that it has a penis of its own, and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Chuck Noris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to sleep.
Chuck Norris does not need to use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford changes its actual spelling.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Noris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.
Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lay's potato chip.
A roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Noris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
If Chuck Norris is late, time had better slow down.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack, his heart lost.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Noris can rhyme orange and purple... with each other!
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Texas does not have a police force. They have Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat breakfast, he forces it into submission.
What is the quickest way to mans heart? Chuck Norris's fist.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the SOUL.
God said "Let there be light", Chuck Noris said "Say please".
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Noris believes it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer
Chuck Norris let the dogs out
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboys
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
When Chuck Norris goes hunting he shoots himself in the leg to give the bear a head start.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris doesn't get the belt, the belt get Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
_________________  FIAA: Color Guard
|
Login
FAQ
Search
